The Pause Button
It’s been one of the most important steps in my personal growth.
The Pause Button.
Every religion and philosophy teaches us to pause and think before we act.
Everything starts with our judgment of it. But our initial judgment is rooted in survival, and it doesn’t always serve us the best in this new modern age. And even if it isn’t a primal instinct, it’s the culmination of a lifetime of judgments that also don’t help us. Or maybe they could, if we just paused for a moment to consider how.
In her recent essay titled, The Overthinking Trap, meredith tells us that the initial thought or judgment is the mind, and by pausing, we’re able to let the intellect take over.
“The mind is irrational, emotional, and impulsive. The intellect, on the other hand, is stable, rational, and grounded.” -Meredith
Pausing and being mindful of your response is the most effective tool to avoiding negative situations or outcomes. And it can be the easiest thing to master!
How many times have you instantly regretted something just said? I myself, am afraid to answer that question…
How many times have you wished that you hadn’t jumped to a conclusion? Yeah, MEE TOO.
I’ll continue to tell you that my temper comes from my red hair, and my ancestry, but somehow even though it’s totally not my fault at all—I’ve been able to tame harness it, by remembering to hit the Pause Button. Although internally sometimes, I feel as if the angry horse might just throw me…
Have you always wondered what all these gurus are doing to be mindful, or present? Well I’m no guru, but I can tell you that I think the first step is the Pause Button. Because all the Pause Button is, is taking a second to check-in with yourself. We are constantly doing this to others—we are inherently skeptical, we weigh everything they tell us. If we just turn this instinct to question others inward, we can reap the benefits of consideration, instead of the punishments of haste.
“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react that matters. Every event has two handles,” Epictetus said, “one by which it can be carried, and one by which it can’t.”
Some things are up to us, and some not. Our job is to focus on what we can change, and let go of what we can’t. In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy(CBT), this is sometimes called the Framing Effect. How we frame things in our mind makes a huge difference in our attitude and our actions. This can be a powerful instrument in our wellbeing. Hitting the Pause Button, is the first step to Framing your impressions correctly. The Pause Button is you saying to yourself, “Hey, hold on just a second. What is this really?”
Just imagine how much clearer your view will be if you are more focused on what you're seeing.
We have no problem hitting the Pause Button when others speak, right? All we have to do is, try to apply that same filter to our own judgment—that’s hitting the Pause Button. It might sound difficult, but it’s not—even though you’ll try to trick yourself into believing that it is. Each time you catch yourself slipping and remind yourself to look at it again, you are doing it—you’re hitting the Pause Button.
After a while it’ll be a little easier, and before you realize it you’ll be catching yourself more and more often—in almost every situation and conversation. It’s a beautiful thing!
You’ll start listening closer—you’ll find yourself listening to understand, instead of waiting for others to finish so that you can respond. Because you’ll want as much information as possible so that you can make the most educated decision—so you can grab the handle that carries.
You’ll probably even find yourself scrolling social media less, because you’ll begin to see that it is almost 1000% impulsive reaction—very seldom is anyone thinking those rants through. You’ll start to notice the nonsense, and it’ll become easier to remove yourself from those unhelpful conversations. That will bring you peace and happiness, instead of the anxiety of other people’s problems.
Hitting the Pause Button makes it easier for me to toss aside those things that are out of my control, or unhelpful. It helps me to focus on what is within my control, and apply my energy towards the things that are rewarding, or serve a greater good.
Hitting the Pause Button has changed my life. It’s made me a better listener. It’s made me a better member of my community—a better friend, husband, and father.
So, if you were to only take one thing from all that I’ve written so far, let it be The Pause Button.
Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, please consider sharing it and clicking that ❤ button, and I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments. Oh, and if you’re an email reader, just hit reply—I want to hear from you too!
Don’t like commitments, but still want to support my writing? You can make a one-time contribution here.
Epictetus’ Dichotomy of Control is helping me big time in my new role…
Love this, MJ! I like how you incorporate quotes from many disciplines and backgrounds to make your point. What interests me here, from a behavioral perspective, is how we learn to make fine-tuned discriminations that tell us to pause. Like, what are the cues (inside or out) for pressing a button we can’t see? I think it’s pretty complex and takes time to learn all the situations we need to pause, and we have to give ourselves grace for *not* pausing all the times we don’t—for even the recognition of the not-pause is progress, too. Just my two cents. Thanks for this!
Great article M J