The Iceberg Theory

There's often more hidden than visible.

Well, we lost to Bama at home again. I’m beginning to think that just maybe, they’ve gotten into Kirby’s head…

I was so mad at Coach Smart for not kicking the field goal in the fourth quarter of that game. I mean pissed off! We’d been trailing them all night — and when we had a chance to tie it up in the fourth quarter, we instead go for it on fourth down? WTF Kirby!?

I was convinced when that game ended, that the usually stoic Coach Smart lets his emotions get the better of him when Alabama is the opponent. And I said as much aloud to anyone at the party that night that wanted to discuss it.

“In every level of the game, you go for the tie in that situation. Kirby’s letting Bama get to him.”

I’d made Coach Smart emotional — I’d made up all these reasons. But then, when I rewatched the game and listened to the press conference, I realized I’d been mistaken. That it’d been me that had been emotional. Coach had remained his stoic self.

As it turns out, I’d let emotion fill in a lot of blanks for me. I was a passenger on the thought train, and I’d let auto-pilot fill in many of the integral parts of that tale.

I’d been surprised when I rewatched and saw that the play in question had been at the 13:30 minute mark. It seemed like much later than that to me at the time. And when Kirby explained his methodology in the post game press conference, I was forced to look at the play from a completely different perspective. I’d only seen the tip of the iceberg…

A press agent asked Coach Smart, “You want to walk us through that fourth down?”

He replied, “Yeah we were third and four, I think. We’d decided before the previous play that if we gained anything on third down, we would go for it. We’d probably kick the field goal, if we didn’t get anything. So there’s a thing called sequencing, where you sequence plays to try and set up and know that you’re going for it. So we felt like we were going for it if we got anything, and we did. We got it down to fourth and one, and that play has been really successful for us. I think we’d hit Tennessee with it three times for a conversion. We’d run it earlier in the night for a conversion. And uh, we missed a block that you’ve got to make, and they ran through and made a really good play. Made a great play to stop it. I’d do that ten out of ten times, as far as going for it.

WHAM!💥 Insert foot into mouth. Like I said before, I guess it wasn’t Kirby who’d gotten emotional and made a snap judgment without all the facts…

How often in life do we do this? We look at someone else, and make a snap judgment. We let our auto-pilot fill in the gaps. We might only see one tiny little aspect of their life, and yet we still think we have them all figured out.

It’s the theory of omission, Hemingway’s Iceberg Theory, except it’s working against us in this case. We think that we see the iceberg, but really that’s just the tip. The iceberg is hidden away below the water’s surface. This is why it’s so important to withhold judgment of a person or matter, until we have as many facts as possible.

We never know what people are dealing with ‘behind closed doors’. And many times, if not most of the time, they bring that baggage with them and attempt to unload it throughout the day. Not on purpose you see, but because all that baggage has become their life — it’s all they know.

Working in customer service, I see this quite often. Patrons will come into the post office pretty frustrated, and sometimes with good reason. I just smile and do my best to help them. Sometimes if they are particularly nasty I’ll remind them that I’m here to help them, and that usually works pretty good. They’ll almost always take it down a notch or two after that.

The thing is, that lost package is probably the 50th crappy thing that’s happened to that person this week. Who knows what their home life, or job situation is like. Maybe they’re frustrated about an address change because they’re in the middle of a divorce? And, I doubt that the certified letter is going to be a check…

And this applies to everyone we come in contact with throughout the day. But if we can hit the Pause Button, and remember that we’re just seeing the tip of the iceberg — maybe we can shine a little bit of light in their direction. One of my favorite Paulo Coelho quotes speaks of this. I’m not sure where I read it so I’ll paraphrase-

Paulo says that we should always take up the opportunity to speak to others in passing — as this gives our guardian angels a chance to pass along a message. 😇 I just love this!

So I do my best to take this into account when standing in the shadow of another’s iceberg. Maybe just maybe, my smile or kindness will be just the thing they needed to see a light in the depths of their own darkness.

It’s easy to get swept up into another’s negative energy — but if we can remember that we’re just seeing the tip of the iceberg, we will be better able to combat it with compassion.

Be the change you want to see in the world.

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I mentioned in a note quoting Colin Powell yesterday morning, that I’d run across two quotes while getting my day started that supported this essay quite well. I shared the second in that Note, and recommended 1440News if you are tired of being blasted with headlines. I get one email each day that keeps me caught up on events, and only look further if something piques my interest.

The first quote I came across comes from Sam Harris. It is a 81 second moment of reflection that I played after my morning meditation. Here’s an excerpt, and I’ll share the link below.

“So as you interact with people today, however briefly, recognize that each was once a small child. And each will soon enough be old, that is if they live long enough to be old. Each is a process, a kind of river flow through time, and you too, are such a process.”

This short clip resonated with me, so I wanted to share it with you. Tap the link to listen for free. https://dynamic.wakingup.com/moment/MO8A125?share_id=8AF1405A&code=SC18BD580

I’ve been using the Waking Up app to help me remain mindful now for over 60 days. And while I’m not quite ready to shout from the rooftops about how great it is, I am a fan so far. Sam and his colleagues have created a great product in the Waking Up app. His approach to philosophy and meditation aligns well with my current path, and I am grateful that Jennifer N. Haddock shared it with me. So I’ve decided to share it with you too! I expect I’ll take a deeper dive into this subject in the future — y’all know that I’m not a ‘tech guy’ so me being on a ‘meditation app’ is surprising in itself…

I’ve been using Waking Up and really enjoying it. I wanted to offer you 30 days free! No credit card required. https://dynamic.wakingup.com/guestpass/SC18BD580

Oh and btw, I’m not affiliated with any of this stuff. I only want to share the things that work for me, with you. Have a great life!

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Cover photo by Spitfire Photography on Unsplash

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