Ramblings

Is this really what I want to be doing?

This is the first thing I’ve written since Tuesday! Which is wild. It’s probably been a year since I’ve gone more than a day or two without writing something creative. I guess it’s because I’ve been taking in so much information each day? I don’t know, but even this morning it wasn’t easy to get started. I had a lot I wanted to say, but it was all jumbled up — it’s taken me actually starting, to get the flow back.

You know, I was beginning to think I was immune to writer’s block — but writer’s block is anything that keeps us from writing. It’s not just sitting at your desk with a blank stare. It’s the day job. It’s the kids. It’s the dishes, or the never ending laundry pile. And for me this week, it was Window School. But I’m back now baby! Yee Haw!

I’ve spent the past week in Macon, Ga, at USPS Window School. It’s what they call their retail service academy. And I’ve enjoyed it much more than I thought I would. I really do love to learn.

They’d given me the opportunity to take this class back in August, in Savannah. But I turned it down. To begin with it’s mostly POS(point-of-sale) training, which I don’t even have in my little office. Wray is considered a ‘manual’ office. They do have the POS system in Ocilla, which is even more of a reason to avoid the training. But it’s part of my job description, so there’s that.

I’m glad I chose Macon, the class has been great. My teacher, or facilitator as they call them, knows her stuff and is very engaging. Even though we sit in class for almost 8hrs each day, it doesn’t feel like it. And everyone is learning! She’s really great at her job.

I’ve also done my best to help the class. I’m finding it all very easy to learn. So any chance I get to ask a question or provide a prompt to better explain things, I’m taking advantage. I have to bite my tongue often so that I don’t over do it, but it’s working out okay. The class is turning out to be mostly discussion based, which is why I think everyone is learning so well. Again, all the credit goes to our facilitator.

I’ve got to go back for 3 more days next week, and we test on Wednesday. I’m not worried in the slightest, I’ve always tested well. But a few of the others are, so I’ve shared with them something that I learned recently. I’m not exactly sure where I read it, and don’t have the time today to look up the quote so I’ll paraphrase.

Nervousness is the same emotion as excitement, it’s just that we are judging it/naming it something else. We’re the ones who make it sinister.

I saw a light bulb illuminate in one of my fellow students, so I think that I might have planted a seed. It makes me want to share so much with them! I listen, I hear them, and I know that I can help them in many ways. But I’ve only got a few days with them, and we’re supposed to be focused on the training at hand. 🙊 So I keep quite.

The first morning of class I’d felt a little bit rushed, so I’d made sure to arrive extra early for the rest of the week. There’s a really nice little park adjacent to the Post office building. I’ve began walking down to the park and sitting by the fountains as Macon dawns each day, it’s quite beautiful.

I wrote this in a note on Thursday…

Two of the mornings I greeted an older couple walking their dogs on the sidewalk while making my way down to the park. They don't move very fast, and often stop to talk about this or that. This morning I was on phone with my Sweetheart, and I'd narrated this to her as it occurred. After waving hello to them I said to her, "That is all I want out this life."

"What’s that?" She said.

"To be able to share that many years with you."

I got there quite early on Friday. I’d gotten up, packed, and checked out of the hotel well before I’d needed too. So I went to the park and did a short yoga and meditation session. Then when I was walking up to the massive government building I couldn’t help but ask myself, “Is this really what you want to be doing?”

Because it’s so easy to get caught up in all the hustle and bustle of the corporate game. It has a way of sucking you in, and before you know it 10 or 20 years have gone by and you’re still chasing the same nothingness.

So I had to remind myself that this is a means to an end. That I’m only working part time. And that I chose this job so that I could have the free time need to purse my writing career.

So as my Sweetheart would say, “I sucked it up, put my Big Boy pants on,” and went inside.

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Just a reminder that I’ve got a new publication called Stories from the Jukebox. Where each week I post a writing prompt inspired by the greatest songs of all time, along with my own submission.