A BIG THANK YOU goes out to everyone who tuned into the Live video—and to Bill Kirst, Things We Carry, and Joe Nichols! It was an absolute blast!
What am I so afraid of?
I’ve been asked to participate in more than one Live collaboration recently, and I’ve declined each invitation. It happened again this morning—a writer that I really respect, asked me if I’d like to participate in a Live Men’s Roundtable.
My first instinct was, No. But when I opened the chat to respond, I asked myself, “Why not?” And since I couldn’t give a clear answer, I waited to reply. I pondered this question as I went about my morning, “What am I so afraid of?”
After all, I am sharing so much of myself already through my essays and stories. Heck, I even narrate them myself! And I relish in any opportunity to engage in discourse with fellow writers—so what’s the big deal?
This is what I wrote in my journal- Joe asked me to do a Men’s Roundtable Live on Friday… I have avoided Live streams. Why? Because something about it is scary. But what am I afraid of? I’m afraid of being exposed as an idiot, or worse, an imposter. Maybe I should do it?
I can also look at this from a different perspective. I have been working very hard to curb the tendencies to react impulsively—to think before I respond to any question or situation. And I’m making progress, but I still stumble at times—maybe I’m just not yet ready to be tested on a Live stage? I have a chance to edit my essays and recordings, and often make changes even after they’re published. That certainly won’t be an option if we’re Live…
But is not being polished enough, just another excuse? I mean, everyone involved will be in the same boat. It’s not like they’re all sending me out into the darkness alone, and without a paddle.
I’ve mentioned many times before that I love writing and sharing these essays, because I am learning from them as they’re written. That what I’m doing isn’t giving advice, but sharing as I learn from life’s experiences. And didn’t I just say in my last essay titled, Don’t Let It Whip Ya, that, “There's little more that’s as satisfying as accomplishing something that you didn’t think you could do.”
Okay, so I decided not to let it whip me! I accepted Joe’s invitation, even though I’d calculated that the timing would be difficult for me.
And when he responded that it was at 2pm my time, not noon like I’d calculated I was both relieved and curious. 🤔 Did I unconsciously manufacture that “problem” to give myself an out? I mean, I’ve driven professionally for years. So I’ve had to log my driving time through multiple time zones, and I don’t ever remember making that mistake before. Sure I could just be rusty, it could be just a coincidence—the only problem with that is, that I don’t believe in coincidences…
I’m glad that I didn’t let the time crunch freak me out, as it was totally bogus! Just like my thinking that something like that, is just what I’m afraid would happen. What if I made a mistake like that while streaming LIVE!?
Smh, that’s ridiculous! So freaking what if I do? Besides, I’ve been able to embrace the “publish it anyway” aspect of not revising my essays and fiction to death on here—surely I can apply that to being on video too, right?
Be yourself, MJ. The rest will work itself out just fine.
Amor Fati
And it was. Thanks for reading, and watching! If you enjoyed this post, please consider sharing it and clicking that ❤ button, and I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments. Oh and if you’re an email reader, just hit reply—I want to hear from you too! Tell me of a time when you’ve overcome a scary situation.
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The great felicitator Joe also orchestrated The Question Spiral, back in July. Follow the Spiral yourself to discover over a dozen essays by some great writers!
