I Wish I Could Say I Was Always A Feminist

Is It Ignorance or Convenience?

Well y’all, I reckon I’m jumping on the Women’s Month train. I didn’t expect it at all. Not that I’m against it — I wish I could say that I’ve always been a feminist — it just wasn’t on my radar.

But as I read Annette Sharp’s, Why Do All The Women Go MAD? essay — I saw myself in the men she described. Not me today, that is. But a historical MJ. A me that married a 17yo girl, and raised three daughters. A me that thought for many years that the man was the, “Head of the Household.”

I used to say proudly, “Wifey is like the General. She runs the show, sure. But I’m the President. I wield the real power behind the scenes.”

Yes that is a direct quote, to the best of my recollection that is. It’s been a long while…

I’ve since chalked up many of those old stances to ignorance. That’s the way I was taught. So how could I, or anyone else expect anything different?

But if I’m being truthful with you, and myself — I’m not sure that’s 100% correct. To a certain extent, yes. I was ignorant. I didn’t know any better — or, did I?

Didn’t I know better?

I want to say that I did — that it felt at least a little bit wrong. But I’m honestly not sure.

I can tell you this though, I’m damn sure paying attention now. And I see things in my partner and in my daughters today, that still bear the scars of a time when they were marginalized in my limited way of thinking. And while they obviously can feel the weight of the old injury, I’m not sure they are always aware that it’s there either. They too are ignorant. Because our society has gone to great lengths to preserve the status quo.

Do I blame myself for their ignorance? Sure, I failed them. I could have done a much better job at it. It was my responsibility to show them the way. And I cannot go back and change the past, but I can steer the ship in the right direction.

But how? How do I know which direction to take?

I use a Wind Rose as my reminder. I have a tattoo of a compass on my left arm. And it’s points aren’t just directional — for me, they signify something else…

The Ancients: Plato, Aristotle, and later the Stoics, gave us a guide. A moral compass, so to say. They are the Four Cardinal Virtues: Wisdom, Courage, Fortitude, and Temperance.

• Wisdom(Prudence) is the ability to discern the true good in every circumstance and choose the right means to achieve it — it is ‘right reason in action’.

• Justice is the firm will to give to everyone what is rightfully due to them, focusing on fairness and rights.

• Courage(Fortitude) is our moral strength, endurance, and resolve in pursuing good despite difficulties, fear, or temptation.

• Temperance is the moderation of our attraction to pleasures. And the balance of instinctive desires, providing self-control and moderation.

  (Side note- These were later adopted by Christians, with Thomas Aquinas adding Faith, Hope, and Love to the mix to make seven theological virtues.)

If we apply these Four Cardinal Virtues to the way we approach this and other life decisions, we will be in a better position to do good by others.

Once we have seen that our actions are not Just and we are no longer ignorant, we have the Wisdom needed to make a positive change. So we must then summon the Courage to seek Justice in our actions toward others. And forgo the convenience of falling back in with the mob by invoking Temperance.

Yes, it will be uncomfortable. Change almost always is. It’s hard. That’s why we avoid it. It’s easier when things stay as they always have been. But without it, nothing would exist. Change is growth.

So maybe the answer to my question, Is it Ignorance or Convenience? — is, that we should not let our Ignorance turn into Convenience.

They say, Be the change you want to see in the world. And frankly, I can’t think of a better way to approach this life.

Reader, you’ve just been part of an experiment — I allowed Substack to pick this week’s essay title. Which one would you have chosen? Find out the results of this experiment in next week’s newsletter! To Clickbait, or Not? That is the question.

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Here are two reads that I think really correlate.

A Classy Lady

And look at this! Harriet C. read a chapter of The Ugly Duckling Live! Subscribe to Short Stories & Tales!