Don't Look Back In Anger
Inspired by SFTJ Prompt #34
This is my submission to this week’s SFTJ song prompt, Don’t Look Back In Anger, by Oasis. Chosen by my pal, Phillip Slater.
I’ve mentioned before how I don’t make a habit of mixing my publication posts. I also mentioned last week, how I felt as though my essays have been rather flat lately. But the thing is, I feel as though I’ve shared some really great work over on the Jukebox. But I don’t send those out to readers, I usually only send out the one newsletter. So I say all that to say this, I’m no longer going to make this harder that is has to be.
So starting with this week’s blog post I’ll be sharing more of these prompts with you, my blog readers. And I think you’ll enjoy this change, as these prompts often inspire me to share things that I’ve kept hidden away.
This is the thing isn’t? The thing we have to do, or to not do, right? Don’t Look Back In Anger.
It’s tough though. It’s hard not to be pissed off about past events or actions of others. The people that let us down, or worse, wronged us in some way. This one is especially hard for me — given the events that unfolded in my life, and therefore my family’s life back in 2018…
This isn’t something that I want to talk about. But I don’t know how to say this, without just saying it; I’ve been blackballed and ostracized by the community I grew up in.
Why, you might ask?
Because I shuttered a failing business, ran away from a failing marriage, and failed to return to beg forgiveness for sins I never committed. It is mostly because of the lies of others that I am now an outcast.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that I didn’t make selfish choices that hurt my family. Because I did. And I regret those actions every single day. But the four people that I wronged, have all forgiven and welcomed me back into their lives. It took time and effort. I’ve had to fight a lot of demons to win back their trust. And I will not let them down again.
I also understand why the others said the things they did. I mean not exactly why, I’m not in their heads. But I do get it. They ran with the facts they had. And since I was not there to fill in the blanks, they used the only other resource they could find — their imagination to fill in said blanks. Then, you tell the story enough times it becomes true.
I was angry at them for a long time. But luckily I found this passage from Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations a couple of years ago, that’s helped me move on. It said:
“I have seen the beauty of good, and the ugliness of evil, and have recognized that the wrongdoer has a nature related to my own.” -Marcus Aurelius
I too was ignorant. I looked for cause and blame in every situation. I’d spread rumors in the past. I was one of them. So I Don’t Look Back In Anger, because they know not what they do. They believe they are justified. They are embarrassed and trying to save face. And if I we’re them — in their shoes, with their same life experience and knowledge — I’d see things the same as they do.
“The cause of anger is the belief that we are injured; this belief, therefore, should not be lightly entertained. We ought not to fly into a rage even when the injury appears to be open and distinct: for some false things bear the semblance of truth. We should always allow some time to elapse, for time discloses the truth.” -Seneca, On Anger
All of those events — even the lies that were said, and spread — those same things, are part of what has helped to bring me to where I am today. And from where I’m now standing, I can see nothing but beauty.
How could I be mad about that?
As it turns out, those hardships we’re a blessing in disguise. If I hadn’t lost everything, or so I thought, I may have never found my true path. I may have continued to take my loved ones for granted — not to mention, we wouldn’t have the Littles. And they’re my heart! So, I Don’t Look Back In Anger. At least, I try not to.
“You don’t have to turn this into something. It doesn’t have to upset you. Things can’t shape our decisions by themselves.”
“Choose not to be harmed — and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed — and you haven’t been”. -Marcus Aurelius
But if I’m being truthful with you all now — I’m not sure that I have reached the point yet, that I Don’t Look Back Anger. Not totally. There are still times when thoughts of the past get my blood boiling. But I’m working on it. I hit the Pause Button. I recite a mantra, R-E-L-A-X. Relax, it’s going to be okay. And I glance down at that tattoo on my left wrist that says, Amor Fati🤍. A constant visual reminder, not only to not judge — but to love fate, and all that it has in store for us.
This is the thing isn’t? The thing we have to do, so that we Don’t Look Back In Anger.
Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, please consider sharing it and clicking that ❤ button. Email readers, just hit reply — I want to hear from you too! What do you do to avoid Looking Back In Anger?
Don’t like commitments, but still want to support my writing? You can make a one-time contribution here.
Here’s last week’s, just in case you missed it😉
How about a little bit of fiction?😏
Speaking of fiction — have you seen Rick’s novel First Light over on the SWG?
On the 'write' track now, and right where you need to be.
Nothing left to say.