By the Book

I live my life in the gray area.

I am now a Federal Agent. I took the same oath of office that the President recites. I work for the Executive branch of the United States government. The mail is serious F’n business.

If you’d told me this years ago, I’d have never believed it. The thing is, I’ve never been a ‘by the book’ kind of guy—I live my life in the gray area.

I don’t think there’s any way that I could have worked in this new job twenty, ten, or even five years ago—if there’s one thing that the Postal Service is sure of, it’s that everything can, should, and must be done ‘by the book’. The thing is, their book isn't abridged, and frankly I think that it's been stuck in draft mode since 1775.

It seems that for the past 250 years the Postal Service has just been adding color instead of ever taking a step back, to take a look at where the painting is headed. You literally have to do five things in sequence, before you can get a single thing done. It’s absurd.

Illustration by Martin Sanchez on Unsplash

I have never been one to put up with such nonsense. If there is a short cut, I’m taking it—Period. While most people use a hammer and chisel if they cut corners—I’m over here taking a chainsaw to an ice sculpture. Now mind you, I ain’t cutting in line—and if you want to go around your elbow to get to your ass, be my guest—I just ain’t coming along with you.

Unless of course, you’re paying me. Like I’ve said many times before, I value my time and try to spend it wisely. But if I’m on the clock, it’s no longer my time—I’ve sold it to you, or in this case, to the Federal government.

So it’s a good thing that I’ve grown more patient over the years, because this new career will likely test my patience daily—even hourly I suspect.

I’m a red-head, a ginger—so I have struggled mightily with my temper in the past. I still do, although I have a much better handle on it these days. The reason? Epictetus’ Dichotomy of Control—It’s something that has been integral to my growth concerning patience. It says-

"Some things are in our control, and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions." -Epictetus

While following Epictetus’ advice I must remember to focus only on what I control, and let go of what is not within my control.

For instance, I control the fact that I chose this new career—but not how the job within the career is accomplished. How each task is to be completed is up to someone else—my job is to ensure that each task is completed within that manner, and to the best of my ability. Epictetus also said-

“If you intend to engage in any activity, remind yourself what the nature of the activity is. If you are going to bathe, imagine yourself what happens in baths: the splashing of water, the crowding, the scolding, the stealing. And like that, you will more steadily engage in the activity if you frankly say ‘I want the bathe and want to hold my will in accordance with nature.” -Epictetus

Therefore I must keep in mind, that my job is to do all these tedious little steps. If I must complete five steps, to get one task done—then so be it, that’s what I’ll do.

So if you walk into my little Post Office and it looks like I’m doing the hokey-pokey—it’s because I’m required by Federal Law to complete that exact sequence, before I can legally move the mail across the room.

At least that is, until I can find a shortcut😉

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I’m poking fun, of course I’m excited about my new career as a Postman🤫especially since it’s only part time—now I’ll have loads of time to write! If you missed it, checkout this essay on what I was up to before this…